I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
