so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
