Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
