Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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