In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the condom got lost in my hair
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
