Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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