like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
