Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize