I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
