you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
