Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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