I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
