Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
