Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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