I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
