i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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