They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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