You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
