Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
