Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
