i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
