Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
