found the other keg... it's in the tree
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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