thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
