I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
