butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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