weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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