You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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