I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
