Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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