HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
