Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
