sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
