I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
