This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
