Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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