True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
