hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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