I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
