Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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