my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
