I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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