I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
