Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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