Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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