Tell her she can't have a vagina
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
