names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
