I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
