I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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