WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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