So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
