Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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