I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
