i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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