Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
