My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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