May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
