if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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