When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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