Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
