The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
