shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
