Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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