I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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