Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
