It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
