Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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