Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
